This is the area where numerous armed groups, often operating under Rwandan influence, have emerged and continue to operate. Among them is the M23, a group that re-emerged from its ashes after being defeated by the Armed Forces of the Democratic Republic of Congo (FARDC) about a decade ago. The group claims that the Tutsi are victims of marginalization and injustice. Do members of other tribes refuse to marry the Tutsi? We investigated inter-ethnic marriages in Goma, shedding light on social dynamics and the frustrations faced by children born of these unions.
The M23’s rhetoric revolves around the victimization of an ethnic group: the Tutsi, one of the Kinyarwanda-speaking communities. For years, the group has used this narrative to demand inclusion and integration into Congolese society, often resorting to violence.
In Goma, the capital of North Kivu province, opinions are divided on inter-ethnic marriages. Aline Kataliko, a graduate of the Faculty of Information and Communication Sciences at the University of Goma, and a member of the Nande ethnic group, says she is willing to marry a man from any community as long as love is the foundation. She is even ready to marry a Tutsi, despite the pressures she may face from her family.
A Marriage of Love?
“I believe there’s no problem marrying someone from another culture or origin because love is something that comes unexpectedly,” says Aline.
When asked if she would marry a Tutsi, she confidently responds, “I can easily marry a Tutsi or any other member of North Kivu communities. For me, there’s no real problem.”
She acknowledges potential resistance from her family, friends, or close relatives but is determined to defend her choice in the name of love.
“I’m aware of these obstacles, but if it’s true love, I won’t let anything hold me back. I’ll stand up for that love because it’s my life, not theirs. Honestly, for me, there’s no issue marrying someone from another culture. The only problem is when your family doesn’t bless your union or give their approval,” she adds.
Parental Influence and Social Tensions
Arsène, a student at the Higher Institute of Applied Techniques in Goma, believes that a family’s approval is essential for a blessed marriage.
“In my opinion, unions between, say, a Hunde and a Nande, are often pre-approved and don’t usually cause problems. However, when someone in Goma wants to marry someone from another community, they must inform their family back in the village. If the family opposes it, they have to abide by their family’s decision,” Arsène explains.
Parents impose such restrictions, he argues, because of the region’s history of inter-ethnic conflicts. “Parents look at your partner’s background. If they belong to a community that has had disputes with yours, the family will refuse. If you insist, you risk being disowned.”
Arsène admits he cannot envision marrying a Tutsi woman. “That’s a no for me. Their culture is different from ours, and even if I insisted, my parents would never accept it. I need their blessing for my marriage. My parents want me to marry a Nande woman.”
Inter-Ethnic Marriages as a Bridge to Cohesion
Justin Katendere, a gospel musician at Kanisa la Mungu (Church of God), says he doesn’t consider ethnicity or origin when pursuing a relationship. For him, love is all that matters.
“To me, there’s no issue. In love, a person’s community or origin doesn’t count. For instance, if I fall in love with a Rwandan girl, that’s my personal decision. I wouldn’t ask anyone for their opinion,” he states firmly.
He observes that inter-ethnic unions are common in Goma. “Every Friday and Saturday, I see people getting married, and among them are Hutu-Tutsi, Hunde-Tutsi, Nande-Tutsi couples. For me, this is a good thing because it strengthens our coexistence,” Justin testifies.
Gisèle Bagheni, however, expresses reservations. While she is open to marrying a Tutsi man, she worries about the social stigma her children might face. “Children from such unions often experience marginalization, whether in the neighborhood, extended family, church, or even at school. I don’t think I could protect my children in those situations,” she confides.
Marginalization: Not Always the Case
Aminata Bwiruka shares her story as a child of a mixed union—a Nande father and a Tutsi mother. After her mother’s death, Aminata and her siblings lived with their father’s family in Butembo, where they faced discrimination.
“My aunt once told me it was hard to live with snakes (a derogatory term for Tutsis). Neighbors echoed similar sentiments, calling us Rwandans. It made us feel unsafe,” Aminata recalls.
However, she found solace at school, where her peers were unaware of her mixed heritage. “They said I looked Rwandan, but they didn’t dwell on it. They nicknamed me ‘MUNGOLOBU,’ meaning foreigner in Butembo,” she explains.
Promoting Inter-Ethnic Unions
In Goma, inter-ethnic marriages exist and thrive. Dufina Tabu, a 69-year-old human rights advocate, is an exemplary figure in this regard. As a father of 24 children with wives from different ethnicities, he considers himself a bridge-builder.
“My first wife was Mutoka Kasongo (Kindu), then I married a Nande (Lubero), a Hutu, and finally a Tutsi. I’ve been well-received by all their families,” he says.
Tabu founded the Association of Volunteers of Congo (ASVOCO) to advocate for human rights, including the right to marry the person one loves.
The Role of Religious and Social Institutions
University lecturer and peace expert Ulimwengu Bernadin notes that young people are influenced by historical tensions and political propaganda, often amplified for personal gains.
“Historical behaviors between communities are generalized unfairly, and young people are pressured to follow outdated models,” he explains.
He highlights the role of religious institutions in perpetuating exclusion. “For example, a Catholic may discourage marrying an Adventist or Protestant, indirectly promoting tribalism,” Ulimwengu observes.
He concludes by encouraging youth to build their own futures. “Young people need independent, critical thinking. They must discern truth from manipulation and avoid blindly following leaders or political figures,” he advises.
Observers agree that promoting inter-ethnic marriages can help North Kivu build a new narrative, where cultural diversity becomes a valuable asset for social cohesion. Efforts by the Congolese civil registry service are reportedly underway to support this cause.
For Fiston MUHINDO